Inferiority Complex

It is common place to find love lost not just between friends but even among siblings. Ruth Choji writes on the prevalence of inferiority feelings across the societ Martha was just 17 years old when she realised that her older sister, Magdalene didn’t like her. According to her, “while I saw people playing with their sisters, my sister would scream at me whenever I tried to play with her, she would chase me away, and would rather give whatever she was eating to someone else.
I never really knew why until one day when one of my aunts came on a visit and saw what was happening, she scolded her and that was when my sister opened up and said that she didn’t love me because people prefer me to her. “I know that whenever people came to our house, they would prefer to play with me than her, some would give me money; even my father loved playing with me more than her. But I believed that my sister was beautiful too, and I love her, I now knew that she developed resentment for me and that led to serious case of complex. She had only one friend who behaved like her while I had so many friends, beautiful ones who were always trooping to the house to see me. When I came of age, I had so many boys chasing me, it was only after the handsome ones had chased me that, they would bring their friends to woo my sister and they would always compliment me in her presence. Even though I am now married, we still have little squabbles whenever we meet at home, she doesn’t come to my house, I take my kids to her house and because my daughter takes after my beauty, I fear she might experience the same problems I did with her cousins.” Anthonia who experienced similar problem to Martha’s said, “I always feel small in the presence of one of my friends, her mother is British while her father is a Nigerian, so you know that she is beautiful, being a half-caste and all that, guys are always swarming around her whenever we go out, it is after they have chosen her that others will now look at us, it happens even when we walk in the streets, men will be admiring her while we wish it was us, so I sometimes feel a bit inferior, or intimidated, because her beauty is so glaring, anybody will see it and any dress she wears fits her perfectly, I have learnt to accept her and love her in spite of what I sometimes feel.” Dr Peter Anzekwu, a psychologist said that, inferiority complex happens when a person feels that others are better than them. He pointed out that such feelings can arise from an imagined or actual inferiority in the afflicted person. “It mostly happens in the subconscious, and is thought to drive afflicted individuals to overcompensate. Some girls have become prostitutes because they allowed themselves to feel inferior and in their quest to meet up, they become promiscuous. Unlike a normal feeling of inferiority, which can act as an incentive for achievement, inferiority complex is an advanced state of discouragement, often embedding itself into one’s lifestyle, and sometimes resulting in a retreat from difficulties”, he added. Types of Inferiority Complex There is the primary and secondary inferiority complex feelings. A primary inferiority feeling is said to be rooted in the young child’s original experience of weakness, helplessness and dependency. It can then be intensified by comparisons to siblings and adults. A secondary inferiority feeling relates to an adult’s experience of being unable to reach an unconscious, fictional final goal of subjective security and success to compensate for the inferiority feelings. The perceived distance from that goal would lead to a negative/depressed feeling that could then prompt the recall of the original inferiority feeling. Causes of Inferiority Complex One will feel inferior when an event takes place which makes you feel less than others or inadequate and some of the causes can be: Parental attitudes and upbringing. When parents make disapproving or negative remarks and evaluations of behaviour emphasising mistakes and shortcomings, these determine the attitude of the child before the age of six. Physical defects such as disproportional facial and body features, weight, height, strength, speech defects and defective vision also cause inferiority complexes. Mental limitations that cause feelings of inferiority when unfavourable comparisons are made with the superior achievements of others, Social disadvantages and discriminations. Solution To overcome this trait, first is to accept whatever you feel is not complete in your life, you must also believe in yourself, no matter what people say, accept what you can change in life and also decide to be happy, whether people like you or they don’t, just make yourself happy. Where people have it bad is because they want people to tell them what they want to hear, they feel bad when they are told something else. Also, have faith in yourself and what you want to have instead of comparing yourself with other people.